nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
