The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
