Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
