every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
