god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
