put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
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