i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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