return my video game
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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