he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
