"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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