i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
now i know why i became what i already was.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
