Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
