Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
