but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize