so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
