The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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