I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
