For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
