i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
