The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
