Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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