drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
