my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
