I think I won the penis lottery.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Bring me that man meat
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
