I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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