Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
