its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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