What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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