Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize