I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
