Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
