Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
