just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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