The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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