We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
