I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
