i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
