Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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