Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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