Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
