I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
