My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
