How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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