if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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