Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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