I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
