So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
