I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
