I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
