these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
