tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize