Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
