I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
4 words: hood of his car
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize