well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize