You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
