i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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