We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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