just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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