I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
