man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
