Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
