9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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