You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
