Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
