She's JV to your varsity
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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