I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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