i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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