My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
