this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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