I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
