Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
