my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
