Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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