Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
