Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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