Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
