1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
