Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
