I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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