yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize
