so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
