Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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