you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
