My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
